Agape
by EvilFuzzy9
Summary: Shinpachi loves Otsu, even if he knows it can never be. His devotion to her is unconditional, and undying. [character death, suicide]


**Agape  
**

A _Gintama _oneshot

By

EvilFuzzy9

* * *

Shinpachi knew that it could never be. He knew that Otsu would never see him the same way he saw her. She was an idol, the darling of not only Edo or Japan, but of all the Milky Way. She was the biggest star in the galaxy.

She would never fall for someone like him.

Shinpachi knew this full well, no matter what Gin-san or Kagura-chan may have thought to imply. He was not deluded. He did not think that by leading his Otsu fanclub and supporting the idol through thick and thin, she would somehow come to see him and fall for him.

Patsuan was not so naive.

He knew that he and she may as well have been from two different worlds. Tsu Terakado was an idol, a star destined to go great places. She had worked her way up from nothing, enduring hardship after hardship to become an inspiration to all, an icon the entire galaxy could look up to.

Who was he, compared to someone like Otsu? The cowardly son of a third-rate samurai, a weak-willed peon who could only stand in her shadow and cheer her on from the distance. Shinpachi wasn't worldly or experienced like Gin-san. He wasn't talented or headstrong like Kagura. He wasn't anything worth mentioning.

He only felt confident when leading his fanclub, when backed up and flanked by like-minded people. He was only outstanding when leading a cheer for his idol.

By himself, Shinpachi was nothing. Otsu had saved his life in a very literal way with her singing – had given him hope when he was at the lowest point in his life. At the brink of giving up and ending it all, he had heard her singing her heart out, and had been inspired to continue trying. She had convinced him, with her own success, that Shinpachi could also succeed, if only he just _tried_ hard enough.

But he couldn't.

Otsu was special. She was a beautiful, driven young women who had the undying support of her friends and family, even aside from the millions of adoring fans. From the very beginning, she'd had people there to help her up when she stumbled, to give her a push in the right direction, and a goal to aim for.

Shinpachi wasn't special. His mother had died when he was born – he didn't even know what she had looked like. His father had passed away of illness when he was young, leaving him and his sister with the weight of an idealistic fool's debt on their shoulders. And Otae had always been devoted to the dojo, and their father, above all else.

Otsu had a dream, a dream she had worked hard to achieve, a dream she defended with the support of the millions of people who loved and admired her.

Shinpachi had no dream. Not of his own. "Become a true samurai", "master the way of the sword", "restore our family's dojo". These were dreams pushed upon him by the expectations of his sister, or the ideals of his late father. He did not have the heart of a samurai, or the talent of a swordsman.

This was not to say that Shinpachi did not wish he could achieve these things. No, he did admire his father's beliefs, even if he also resented the man's foolishness and shortsightedness. He loved his sister, and wanted to make her proud of him. And he knew that she loved him too, even if she had trouble expressing it at times, and spoke so often harshly or callously.

But Shinpachi also knew that he was not special. He was just an ordinary person. And ordinary people never achieved their dreams. It was always the talented and the exceptional, the fortunate and charismatic.

And he was none of those things, as his friends so often reminded him.

Gazing grimly at the obituaries, at the beautiful epitaph plastered across the front page of the _Oedo Herald_, Shinpachi saw a photograph of Tsu Terakado, bordered in black. Beneath that, was the picture of the fiery crash in which his idol, and love, had perished so tragically, so senselessly.

He was an ordinary person, a small existence. Like a mouse currying about the heels of giants, he had wormed his way into the lives of so many incredible people, and experienced so many extraordinary things. He had lived, and learned, and laughed, and lost. And it was all thanks to Otsu, to the cheerful, determined singing which had brought him back once before from the brink of despair.

He owed his life to her. She had saved him back then, and he had devoted himself wholeheartedly to supporting her wherever she went.

Death would not keep him from serving her.

Clad all in white, kneeling in a room stripped of its posters and adornments, Shinpachi Shimura opened the front of his robes. On a low table in the corner lay his final letter, his death poem, and his last will and testaments. In his hand, he clutched a tanto, keen and polished. He had washed and eaten his last meal, murmured a final prayer for his soul.

"Do not hesitate, Okita-san," he said to the man behind him. "I've placed my trust in you to act as my _kaishaku_. Please don't betray it."

The man was silent for a moment, unusually grim and stoic.

"I won't," he said at length, voice even and tone firm.

Shinpachi smiled sadly. He poised the tip of the dagger against his abdomen.

"Thank you," he said, before pulling the blade in. Gritting his teeth, biting down on hard enamel to keep from shaming himself with a cry, Shinpachi Shimura dragged the blade cleanly across his abdomen, spilling his guts and his blood with a straight, unyielding cut.

When Okita saw the young man's blood spill, he took aim with his sword. Then, whispering a silent apology to the boy's sister and friends, Sougo swung his Kiku-ichimonji without a moment's hesitation.

Shinpachi's head was separated from his shoulders, well ere the boy could either falter or shame himself with pained exclamation.

Tsu Terakado had save his life with her singing. For that one kindness, the young man would follow her anywhere, even into the bowels of Hell. Such was a samurai's undying devotion.

Such was Shinpachi's unconditional love.

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A/N: ...wow. I had originally just meant this to be about how Shinpachi devotes himself to Otsu even if she will never love him. But then my darker, angstier muses took hold of the plot.

I really do like to kill off my favorite characters, don't I?

(the title has a bit of a double-meaning: it can be read as either the English word _agape_, like a hole or a tear, or the Greek word _agape_, meaning "unconditional love")

**Updated: **3-9-14

**TTFN and R&R!**

– — ❤


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